“Our Records Indicate…”

I got a most unexpected letter in the mail today. It started out like this:

Dear Mr. William A. Carrel,



Our records show that you haven’t yet registered for the benefits of AARP membership, even though you are fully eligible.

Oh, really?

I’m having a pretty good time of things here in my late-20s. I realize that the AARP is opposed to extending the retirement age for Social Security, but this is really a bit over the top.

Apparently I’m not the only one in their 20s that AARP has sent a letter to. A quick Google search for Our records show that you haven’t yet registered for the benefits of AARP membership, even though you are fully eligible
turns up a whole host of 20-somethings that have received these letters.

So what I’d really like is “their records.” No, really, I want a copy of the records they’re apparently keeping on me that indicate I’m more than 30 years older than I actually am.

My guess? There are no such records. The AARP is lying. “Our records” probably means “Choicepoint’s records”. You know, the same records that determine your creditworthiness. Those records are also mined by the NSA (along with your phone records) to take a guess at whether you’re a terrorist.

The people keeping these records can’t even place me within the right generation. God only knows what else they (incorrectly) think about me?

If I wind up in Gitmo and you want to locate me, ask for the young looking 50-year-old.

I’ve put an image of the letter online.